Getting curious and friendly with inside signals.
Hey Babs,
I pursued and achieved the promotion!!!
But I don’t think I want the job anymore.
I have spent the past 3 years focused on moving up into this position and the past 10 years preparing the ground to make it happen. I have taken on extra projects, self-funded education, and in every way possible proven my loyalty.
Do I just have cold feet or is it an early warning signal I should listen to? Something is not feeling quite right.
Is there something wrong with me?
P.B.
Hey P.B.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Read that again. In fact, write it down, stick it to your bathroom mirror, say it out loud as you get out of bed, and place this truth someplace close to your heart. There is nothing wrong with you.
In times of change we can get those tingly feelings – the ones that we often call cold feet or warning signals. But they don’t have to be dire, they can even be friendly.
What happens if you take those tingly feelings, acknowledge them, and then ask, “what are these feelings trying to get me to pay attention to?”.
I have a few questions for you to explore that may help uncover some areas that you might want to pay attention to.
- What is important to you right now?
- How does or doesn’t this position fit with what is important to you?
- What has changed within you, or around you over the past decade?
- How do those changes affect your interest in this position? Do they strengthen it challenge it or have no effect on it? Poke a little and get curious about the ones that strengthen or challenge your interest.
These questions are just a start on getting friendly and curious about what is going on in your life, there is no need for or benefit to over thinking and there are no right or wrong answers. You may have responses that are unexpected, contradictory, delightful, frustrating, insightful, and lead to more questions.
Get curious, trust the exploration, and be kind to yourself. You may not arrive at a definite accept or not accept the position. And sometimes our answers lead us to areas that we have been avoiding, like financial or relationship responsibilities that for now override dreams or tingly feelings. Sometimes we give our decisions all we got and go with the good enough and a growing acceptance that life is without certainty. While it might seem like a lesser win than knowing for certain, growing our awareness and management of self is key to being a courageous leader, regardless of positions we accept or don’t accept.
Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, a coach, or a mentor to talk about this change. Talking with someone who knows how to listen and to ask open nonjudgmental questions can help get us out of our sticky thinking (cold feet, warning signs) and onto processing what is happening and what we want and can do about it.
You’ve got this and you don’t need to do it alone.
Babs
Photo by Angelo Pantazis on Unsplash
I am grateful for your letters and that so many honest and courageous people share their leadership stories with me to share with others. Unfortunately, it is not possible to share all of your letters in this newsletter. Please note that if you are experiencing a situation that is unsafe, if you are in crisis, or if you are struggling with trauma, that you deserve and need more than I am qualified to give. When it is right for you, please reach out to whoever you trust to get help, your workplace EAP, or a medical or counselling professional.