Poets and moving beyond networking, influence, advocacy, and talking points.
Somewhere in the recent archives of my letters to all of you, I have pointed to Ian Williams and What I Mean to Say (2024 CBC Massey Lectures and book). Thank heavens for poets like Williams and their ability to poke at the everyday to find the sacred, the reverent, and the profound.
Poets have the ability to cut through the noise in ways that might initially look and feel simplistic (“Tyger tyger burning bright”) but demand from us deep inward reflection and higher outward action or behaviour.
So if at first you, like me, found these 2024 Massey Lectures to be more podcasty than usual and the book to be a simple read, well as they say, you may want to think again.
Because clearly, we, as a whole, aren’t getting how to have a good conversation.
Why Networking, Influence, and Advocacy?
It is easy, and sometimes even justifiable, to think that it is not us but others who are eroding our civic and civil discourse, polarizing discussions, and creating our current state of social disconnection. Yet all we need to do is turn the spotlight onto our own conversations (or lack of them) to see that we can do better.
My focus on networking, influence, and advocacy is like picking low hanging fruit – not very controversial, strenuous, or heroic. But sometimes it is the low-hanging fruit that whets our appetites and calls us to something higher and greater.
At the very least, we might consider doing networking, influence, and advocacy differently.
Networking
I was at a large networking event where not-for-profits and other fund seeking type organizations were given the opportunity to connect with folks who have money and want to give it away. In case you are wondering and getting ready to ask me to fund the new wing of your hospital, sorry to disappoint, but I was there in my role as a facilitator and coach, not as a donor.
The event organizers had arranged for heart-filled speeches, emotionally stirring videos, live music, snacks, and door prizes. Each fund-seeking organization had one or two people standing by a tastefully decorated table filled with posters, brochures, and free swag. They had their talking points about the impact of their organization, what they could do with more money, and how grateful they would be for support.
Talking points. Sigh.
We are all told to have our talking points ready for networking. After all, there is only a brief window of time to introduce oneself or the organization, to make an impression, and to get a foot in the door for closing a deal (new job, promotion, sale, donation …).
As I chatted with and asked the CEOs, EDs, and fund development professionals how they were doing, three things emerged:
- They were on auto-message. What may have started back at the office as a message from the heart had become rote. Some even expressed bewilderment that potential donors were going off topic, as in they weren’t sticking to the talking points.
- They were tired. They were doing their best to knock it out of the park and it didn’t take long for the non-stop swinging of the bat without hitting a home run to do them in. Even more than how that baseball analogy just did me in.
- They had tunnel vision. Their singular goal (develop donors) resulted in them not seeing the big picture of relationship building.
It left me wondering what their organizations might have achieved if they had been there to have good conversations about their work, the community, and the people before them (yes, those being the potential donors).
Influence
Having influence is helpful to achieving our goals. Goals like getting our kids to sleep, convincing folks to put their names on a community petition, or moving a project forward at work all take influence.
Unfortunately, many of the so-called “top tips” found on social media, in cheap webinars, or in airport books run something like:
- Prepare your communications tactics (usually without strategy, context, or care).
- Prime your supporters (keep them on your message with lots of reminders and a mix of guilt and reward).
- Turn on the charm (or as we too often see, become pushy and offensive).
- Step into the game of who you can get on your side (lean on the weak links, butter up the cool kids, drop off gifts that are just under the ethics radar, and learn to play golf or to bake favourite cakes for birthdays)>
Sam had an idea for restructuring his unit. The rest of the leadership team and the CEO were not keen on the idea as contract negotiations were on the horizon and the general consensus was that now was not the time for any potential boat rocking.
Sam was not dissuaded and began meeting with the rest of the leadership team members, one-on-one, following carefully laid out steps (see the above “top tips”) to bring them around to supporting the initiative.
What Sam failed to do (you may have already guessed this), was to have good conversations. Sam heard, but never listened to their concerns. Sam talked but never got curious and asked if anyone saw a different way forward and why. Sam centred himself and failed to be respectful and to pay attention to those around him.
Not only did Sam’s attempt to influence others on this one issue fail, Sam also lost his credibility with his team and CEO. The good news is, Sam is working on and experiencing the difference that good conversations make to mending and developing relationships and to building shared influence for success at work, at home, and in the community.
Advocacy
A coalition of organizations hired a communications strategist to develop a campaign to get their provincial government’s support for a funding agreement. They had good talking points (sigh again) on community impact, feasibility plans, returns on investment, and government goals.
In their much anticipated meeting with the provincial government, they quickly became disheartened to see that the Minister and key staff were not engaged by their presentation and hand-outs. In fact they were so not engaged that the Minister started to make like it was time to wrap up the meeting before they had even gotten to their “ask”.
Finally, the Minister looked at them and said, “I’ve heard all this before, its the same every year from your group, so tell me in your own words why this is important to you and why it is important to the people of this province? Put down your notes and just talk with me like I’m a human being”.
The story goes that this threw the group; they were not prepared to talk with the Minister like he was a human being.
Hopefully they are revisiting their campaign’s communication strategy to find ways to incorporate good, as in meaningful and genuine, conversations in their advocacy work.
You and Me
Good conversations aren’t easy. They require us to be vulnerable, to have self-awareness, and awareness of others. They require for us to work on being non-reactive, wisely responsive, and quiet in mind and body so that the magic can happen.
The ability to have good conversations starts with the conversations we have with ourselves and then it ripples out to our loved ones, our coworkers, our neighbours, and so on until we find ourselves hearing, understanding, and being able to act in ways that make a difference to how we experience and show up in the world.
Let’s choose to have more good conversations.
Babs