Hey Babs,
Two years ago, I took on the role of Deputy CEO of a mid-size organization. Before this I was the manager for community programs where I led a team that was devoted to our mission and to one another. We pitched in to get the work done and in general went home on time and satisfied. At least, that’s how it felt to me. I was happy at work and relaxed on weekends.
I now feel like I’m in the path of a full-on firehose of rush and urgency. I’m not sure if it’s me that’s on fire or just everything that I’m doing. To top it all off, I have nagging feelings of coming up short for my CEO and those who I manage, never mind my family (my mom is in increasing need of care) or any other notion of a personal life.
I think I could love my job again and I like working for my CEO who is a decent and good person.
I don’t want to quit. I just don’t want to feel like I do.
Give me somewhere to start, please!
C.
Hey C.,
Thank you for sharing this. Your story shines light on a situation that we need to talk about more – that rushing around and urgency that gets normalized and internalized and, I will just say it, is not healthy for us or for the work of the organization.
You do know where to start and have already done so. You have recognized, named, and put out there what is taking the ease and enjoyment out of your work. In this way you have already poked at and begun the unravelling of rushing, urgency, and feelings of coming up short. How will you celebrate this big step that you have already taken?
As well as celebrating, this is a time for self-compassion and purposeful self-care as you consider how to get the support you deserve, how you want to show up in your personal life for others such as your mom, and how to redefine your work experience. Too often when work starts to grind us down, we neglect our needs for nourishing food, body movement as feels good for our bodies, and connection with the world (people, animals, trees, art, music …) outside of our own thoughts and self-defeating stories.
For a next step, would it work for you to talk with your CEO?
If “yes”, I suggest that you find a time when the two of you are not focused on another work matter or when something like quitting won’t accidentally fall out of your mouth.
I also suggest arriving with some evidence or data for the two of you to discuss. Clients that I have worked with in similar situations (that’s right, these feelings are normal – not great or necessary, but normal) have found it helpful to track their time, activities, and feelings through out the day for a week or more.
It’s a close cousin to journalling, but rather than reflecting later as to how the day went (which is also a good thing to do) it is capturing the moment. For many it looks like a table with one column each for the time, the activity, the feeling, and what is going on around the activity (as in fire alarms, overtime meetings, disruptions etc.). This way we can start to see the trends or patterns and gain insight as to what is in our control or not, what is pushing our buttons, what energizes and satisfies, and how things might change. With this information you can start to see next steps and a plan for loving your job again.
If it is a “no” for talking with your CEO, who else might you talk with? A trusted friend, counsellor (if available, EAP is a confidential service), mentor, or a coach can listen and hold space for you to come up with your best plan to address urgency, rush, and other unhelpful feelings.
You’ve got this and you don’t need to do it alone.
Babs
Photo by Daan Mooij on Unsplash
I am grateful for your letters and that so many honest and courageous people share their leadership stories with me to share with others. Unfortunately, it is not possible to share all of your letters in this newsletter. Please note that if you are experiencing a situation that is unsafe, if you are in crisis, or if you are struggling with trauma, that you deserve and need more than I am qualified to give. When it is right for you, please reach out to whoever you trust to get help, your workplace EAP, or a medical or counselling professional.