Babs responds with, “this is seriously shouty red flag stuff”.
Hey Babs,
I just got shoulder tapped for an executive position in the organization that I’ve been working in for the past five years. I started as a middle manager of public-facing units and quickly moved around and up through different departments to a senior manager position with the responsibility of a large number of staff, a significant portion of the overall budget, and a seat at the table with the CEO and board. I have received a lot of good feedback from the CEO on my work including my management style, ability to take on and complete a variety of tasks and initiatives, and my political savviness with partners, funders, and the board.
This opportunity is what I have wanted since I joined the organization and I have done everything possible to get noticed, be appreciated, and succeed, including pursuing further education on my own time and taking on extra-professional responsibilities such as presenting at conferences and publishing articles.
But, when I look back on the past five years, I’m surprised by some of what I’ve done. None of it was wrong per se, it just wasn’t what I thought I’d do when I started on this career path. Things like suppressing usage data that the CEO doesn’t want shared; pushing hard on a staff disciplinary process instead of exploring other options; and staying quiet when I had doubts or questions about budget allocations, initiatives, and staffing decisions.
It feels like these things snuck in while I thought I was acting in ways that were in the best interest of the organization, and modelled to me at work, in my professional community, and at leadership events.
I have done everything I can to get to where I am now, but I’m not sure how I feel about everything that I have done or that I want to do what may be asked of me next.
Alex
Hey Alex,
Thank you for sharing your story.
It sounds to like you are having some qualms about what you have done in exchange for your CEO’s favour.
Listen to those qualms and thank them for poking you into taking stock of what you referred to as “none of it was wrong per se” and having “done everything I can to get to where I am now”. This language is seriously shouty red flag stuff of something being off track between your integrity and your actions. I think you know this.
You also say “I’m not sure how I feel”, but I think you do. Alex, you didn’t write to me because you feel great about what you have done and your upcoming promotion. You reached out because it hurts. It hurts when we exchange our scruples for external validation. And here’s the kicker, there are leaders who have made their way up in the organization by knowing how to leverage that hurt to get what they want from the people around them. People like you who are working hard to succeed and want to prove their worth by doing what others want them to do.
Alex, please know that you are not alone in getting caught in this trap. It has happened to many others including myself in the early days of my professional career. Almost daily I hear stories from others who have slipped into fear-based behaviours such as gossiping or malicious talk, going along with group-think, avoiding responsibility, lying or withholding information, and imposing toxic control and demands on those around and below them in the organizational chart because they want to belong, feel valued, and succeed.
The good in you is restless and wants to be unleashed. You can ignore this and become part of the mediocre, fearful, and at times unethical leadership that plagues too many organizations. Or you can be courageous and do different.
To grow and do different takes discipline, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I encourage you to find a kind and wise person, it could be an elder or friend in your community, a faith leader, a counsellor, therapist, or a coach, to help you find new ways of feeling validated from within and new skills and habits for a more successful and courageous way of showing up for life and work.
You may find that you will want to stay at your current organization or that it is time to plan an exit. Either way, you have an opportunity to take all your hard work and tough lessons and refresh your career path and your life. Life and work that values scruples over external validation is yours for the choosing.
Have courage,
Babs
PS: Hey community, being courageous means something different to each and every one of us, depending on what we have to lose or gain. Everyone has their own path to walk between reckless danger and ignorant cowardice, and every situation brings its own context and truth.1 So, let’s be kind, have awareness, know our capacities and boundaries, practice wise discernment, and embrace what we can do to be courageous.
The Winter Renewal Coaching Offer (50% off for newsletter subscribers) is going like hotcakes. Act now and don’t miss out on this limited time (as in winter) offer.
- This is my rather broad take on Aristotle as I’m finally learning a little something about ancient greek philosophers thanks to Classical Wisdom.