Reject Better
Rejection is a common work experience. We need to be good with rejection as it isn’t possible to accept all ideas, proposals, job applications, or even coffee dates.
In my work as a coach, I support people to look beyond rejection as failure. That we can embrace rejection as a stepping stone in our leadership journeys. We can get curious about rejection, our reactions, our responses, our aversions, and our obsessions, and learn to compassionately care for ourselves, let go of the negative narratives, and build our resilience.
It is good work and I have the honour of witnessing good people move from their places of hurt to being okay with it and ready for the next rejection (there will be more rejection).
And I’ve noticed a trend of really not-cool forms of rejection. These types of rejections reflect poorly on an organization and firmly point to a failure of leadership.
Rather than focus my energy on the not-cool (who wants to spread that contagion around), I’m going to get curious about how we can reject better.
- Be clear that it is their idea, proposal, or overture that is being rejected – not them. And by clear, I don’t mean start with “this is not about you” or use one of those horrid sandwich type things (positive words, rejection, positive words). I mean really show it by treating them with positive regard and full attention. If it’s the idea, the presentation or the skills and experience, and not the person that is being rejected, then well, …. don’t reject the person.
- Don’t procrastinate. If you said that the applications or proposals are going to be reviewed with next steps by a certain time – stick to the timeline. Too often we put off telling those that didn’t make it to the next round because we don’t want to deal with our feelings about rejection. Meanwhile, they are waiting, putting other work on hold, and hoping that you will get back with a “yes”.
- No ghosting. Oh my goodness, I had no idea that this was going on in requests for proposals, recruitment, and other professional processes. I’m not talking about the “thank you for your interest we will only be contacting those by this date who will be interviewed”, that’s fine. I’m talking about people not hearing back mid-process or after all-but-the formal offer has been made. Seriously folks, how is this okay?
- Remember that everyone you meet is someone. And how we meet someone, anyone, is how we can make this world a better place.
Rejection is an opportunity for everyone involved – the rejector, the rejected, and everyone else who is watching. How do you want to show up?
p.s.
I just liked the way the red rooster was looking me in the eye.
Photo by Sahand Babali on Unsplash